Step # 1 .... Say YES!

Couples who struggle with infertility will always play with the idea of adopting a child. It begins as a less than ideal secondary option for a problem you have no control over. At some point you begin to accept it as perhaps your only choice. It will taunt you and tease you, every single time you see a newborn in their mothers arms, hear a baby cry at church or watch a giggling toddler at the store.

Some couples never truly give themselves to this method of creating a family because they live in the fear of the unknown. Can I love someone else's child like my own? What if I get a "bad apple" that ends up a sociopath? I can't handle a kid with behavior issues and I won't know what we will get until they grow up!, We could never afford that!....I don't want a child if it's not mine.

My husband and I have two biological children but after our daughter was born in 1999, we were incapable of getting pregnant. We always wanted a houseful of kids. My husband has 5 siblings and I have 8, so a large family was expected. Alas, this was not in our future life plan. We suffered true infertility for over 10 years. We did foster care as a method of trying obtaining a "cheap" adoption from the time the kids were 4 & 6 years old. Never did I feel like any of the foster kids were "mine". I started to think that I could not love other kids like my own. In 2009 we got pregnant and lost the baby in just a few weeks. THIS SHOOK OUR WORLD!

There is a popular misunderstanding about adoption, about 99% of people believe that the first step to adoption is either A.) Hire an adoption agency or B.) Get a home-study done. While both are valid thoughts neither are correct.

The very first step to adoption is to say YES!

After our miscarriage I was DESTROYED! I had tucked the dream of a big family away deep into my soul to protect myself from the pain. I had to hide it so I wouldn't feel anger at God for giving me a burden that was slowly killing me. I loved my children but I "knew" that others were missing. I never before prayed so fervently with a mothers sincerest desire to love another child in my arms. This is the moment that I said YES! Nothing scared me anymore. The dream was too strong now, it had to happen, NO MATTER WHAT!

It is not until you have given yourself whole heartedly to the idea of adopting a child and decided that come hell or high water, you WILL adopt, that things will change completely. Literally the gates of heaven will open up before you and the blessing will poor forth from the Lord. He will line up the planets and open up opportunities that previously never existed. He will make room in your heart to love, bless your home with abundance to feed & clothe, and bring others into your life to help you in times of crisis. This is how HE cares for his children. He changes you, so you can change others. He blesses you, so you can bless others. He saves you, so that you can save others.

All you have to do is say YES!

Paying Ransom....

Buying a kid, paying ransom, saving a child.... these are all terms that you will see in my posts.

It has been my experience that people who have adopted A-typical children can get a little sensitive about my particular terminology regarding adoption. I am a foster/adoption advocate. My children do and will know that they are adopted, no matter what age they come to us.

Perhaps these individuals take offense to the idea that they "bought" their kids - because as EVERY adoptive parent knows, that child is yours through & through, without a doubt. The connection you feel & the way your heart responds to them one of pure magic. I have both biological & adopted children, I know this is true! I personally do not feel that being truthful about the process that we go through to gain custody of our children AT ALL DISCOUNTS their value in our lives. It is simply the reality of the situation.

Why the heck would I call adoption, "paying ransom"? For the outsider looking in it may seem as if I'm being dramatic. Let me say this right now... in no way, shape, or form is the process of adoption anything LESS than paying a ransom for a prisoner of war.

You are "saving a child" when you have to pay a single penny to adopt one of the thousands of children that are sitting in foster care for YEARS on end (rendering them un-adoptable to non-skilled families) simply because the state will not act quickly/harshly against the bio-parents for the abuses to their children.

You are "buying a child" when an unwanted child is offered up to the "highest bidder" in a private adoption. When bio-mom requires money for "food, rent, living expenses" during her pregnancy to guarantee a "healthy" baby and also needs a post-partum compensation package.

You are paying "ransom" when a child has literally been left to die in a crib for YEARS on end and it cost THOUSANDS of dollars to make them yours. They are only fed two times a day, diaper changed once a day. When they never receive baths or see the light of day, not even touching the subject of proper medical attention, therapy or even simply affection!

Please hop over to my friend Priscilla's BLOG. I want you to meet Ryan - perhaps he can shed some light on why I feel so strongly about calling things like I see them!

Blog Title

I never expected any of the things that have happened to me and my family. I honestly feel like a passenger on the craziest roller coaster EVER! Sometimes its fun, often times its scary and it usually gives you an adrenaline rush!

No one expects to become the parent of special needs kiddos and NO ONE expects to outlive their children. Both of these things are true for us.

After almost 18 years of special needs being such a major part of our lives, all the drama has died off and it just becomes second nature. It is "normal" in our house to hear coughing/gagging, followed by the hum of the suction machine. It is "normal" to have lips turn blue, while oxygen saturation drop just because a little person is being lazy that day. If we haven't seen at least 3 seizures before breakfast, then its been a "weird" day. I've learned that "NORMAL" is a relative word.

The title of this page is indicative of what happens to you when these things are part of your life. Every parent of a special needs kid hears this statement when meeting new people... "I admire you so much, I could never do that!"

Its my answer to everyone who has ever said this to another person. Yes, you could. It is your kid, just like all your other kids. You love them no more or less, they just come IN A DIFFERENT PACKAGE!